DEAR MIKE: I have a supervisor who I know has it in for me and I am ready to lose it with him. A few months ago we had words because I was not happy about my schedule; he later accused me of yelling at him in front of other employees.
I checked with everyone who was in the outer office that day. They did hear us talking but they all just assumed we were talking about general stuff. No one heard any yelling.
Since then, he has gone out of his way to make things difficult for me. One employee even confided that the boss told him he was going to get me no matter what it took..
This boss has a reputation for going after people he has had run-ins with in the past. His method is to keep on someone until they quit or keep writing things down and giving it to his boss so that the boss gets sick of seeing the person’s name and agrees to fire him.
I have so much resentment toward this guy that I have thought of just going up to him and punching him in the nose. My wife says it’s not healthy for me to be so upset with someone, no matter what he has done. She is also afraid that if I do hit this guy it will make things worse. Do you have any suggestions? — Ralph
DEAR RALPH: Yes, I do have one big suggestion: Listen to your wife.
Look at the big picture. Hitting this jerk will probably get you arrested, fired and sued. You risk losing your home and for what? This guy will still be a jerk and, worse yet, he’ll win. He will get rid of you and probably get some money for a little bit of pain.
You need to play it smart. Start documenting what is going on now and what went on before, with dates and times if you can recall them. When you get enough documentation, ask for a meeting with your boss and his boss. If you have a union, ask a representative to go with you.
Meanwhile, it’s imperative that you keep your cool, because if you lose it, he wins automatically. His boss will say, “Well, if he is losing it here I can just imagine how he was out on the floor.”
At the meeting, present the facts and ask your boss to point out where you went wrong. Ask him if he has written documentation for his charges against you. Also, let his boss know that all you are doing is making sure you are treated fairly, that you fully realize he is the boss and what he says goes but that you think he is going a little overboard when it comes to you.
Try to stay away from bringing anyone else into the conversation because that will just give your boss ammunition to go out and tell others you threw them under the bus. You have to be smarter, not louder, than your boss. Think before you respond to anything he has to say. Good luck. — Mike
Michael Hayden is a certified anger management counselor who runs Bay State Anger Management and Counseling in Chelmsford. Contact him at email@example.com or 978-606-3955.