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Man, I wish I had bought some furniture.

And it’s a shame I don’t like tacos.

All this free stuff coming from the Red Sox’ World Series win and none of it did me any good. Story of my life. When my ship comes in, I’ll be at the airport.

Here’s a few observations while the sweet smell of victory still wafts in the air like sausages on Yawkey Way.

First, I was predicting a sweep from the beginning. Oh, I had my doubts in the ALCS, but once they got past Cleveland, I was preaching sweep. Really. Somebody back me up here. Can I get a witness? Ask the Dracut School Committee. The board shuffled its schedule at a recent meeting, and the chairman said that if a meeting was held Oct. 29, it would have to start early because he wanted to watch the game.

“That’s game five,” I said. “It won’t go five.” Go ahead, ask them.

Sox over the Rockies in four. Not even enough time to learn how to pronounce Tulowitski.

Eric Gagne gets a ring. So does Matt Clement. That kills me. For a while there, I thought Gagne was on the payroll at Jordan’s Furniture.

How do I get to be Dennis Drinkwater’s pal? Or Jeremy Kapstein’s? Those are the two guys who are fixtures behind home plate at every Sox home game. Drinkwater is the guy to left of the umpire. He looks like a cross between Jerry Springer and Robert Redford, and he has a different guest in his row at every game. I want to be his buddy. Kapstein is the guy with the sport jacket and the white shirt at the other end of the row. No tie. He looks like a sanitation worker at a funeral.

You seldom see these guys react to anything, good or bad, although Drinkwater did show some emotion during the playoffs and the series. I actually saw him pump his fist after a particularly nasty Josh Beckett strikeout.

Announcers were running out of adjectives to describe Beckett’s fastball and curve. I told my son he was pitching “filthy.” I don’t know why I used that phrase, but it just seemed to fit. Wouldn’t you know it, a couple of innings later, Fox announcer Tim McCarver uses the same word. I am not making this up. Ask my son.

Gone are the Rockies’ black and purple. Terrible combination. Gone, too, is the yahoo behind home plate at Coors Field in game three who kept holding up signs and moving them back and forth and up and down while Dice-K was on the mound. The only time he stopped was to cram his face with a giant sandwich.

Listen, you have seats behind home plate for a World Series game. Behave. Act like you belong there. Another thing, how do 10-year-olds get front-row tickets to a series game? The poor kids had a hard time staying awake. And why can’t the games start about an hour or so earlier?

During the 1967 World Series, when the games started at 1 p.m., Sister St. Paul at St. Louis School in Lowell had us all do “seat work” while we listened to the game on the radio.

Another thing, if you’re at the game, we are not impressed that you have a cell phone and you know people watching at home. If you ever sit next to one of these Mensa candidates, do me a favor, spill your drink on them.

Did you feel like I did when the cameras zoomed in on Hank Aaron and announced that he was the second all-time home run hitter? It was a subtle reminder of all that is wrong with baseball.

Four words: No more Dane Cook.

Four more words: A-Rod is a jerk.

Four more: Manny is a pirate.

How about Yaz throwing out the first pitch? Great moment. And what was with Dick Williams wearing a Red Sox jersey over his trench coat? And who thought it was a good idea to have a fly-over at night?

In the days leading up to the series, tents surrounded Fenway on Yawkey Way and Landsdowne Street. Who are these people and don’t they have jobs or families to go to?

NESN’s coverage of the Rolling Rally was absolutely horrible. I couldn’t hear the Dropkick Murphy, as Mayor Tom Menino called the group. Did you see hizzoner almost take a header coming down the Cty Hall steps with the World Series trophy? I wonder if they caught that on the “Jumbletroms.”

A thought: How come nobody was wearing all this Red Sox gear in the dog days of August, when Manny and Youkilis were on the DL and the rest of the Sox bats went limp?

About the gear: I may have to turn in my man card, but I kind of like the pink hats on the ladies. Only on the ladies. Remember the pink bats on Mother’s Day when the Sox came back to score six runs in the bottom of the ninth against the Orioles?

Speaking of the Orioles, is Kevin Millar the new Red Sox mascot? I realized that our Idiot quotient fell off when he and Johnny Damon left town, but I think Jonathan Pablebomb– as Mayor Menino calls him — has more than made up for them, don’t you?

I’ve been hearing that this championship just isn’t as sweet as the first time in 2004. Hey, what is?

Want to comment? Dennis Shaughnessey can be reached at dshaughnessey@lowellsun.com.