James Franco
James Franco (Yoram Kahana_Shooting Star)
  1. For Jay-Z: Use that money you got from the Robinson Cano signing to buy some better beats for your next album. And maybe a ghostwriter too.
  2. For Michael B. Jordan, star of Fruitvale Station and the upcoming That Awkward Moment: Drop the "B" from your name and just own it.
  3. For John Goodman: Get some more acting jobs. I mean, my God, when's the last time you were in a movie -- December?
  4. For James Franco: Attempt to open your eyes all the way. Once.
  5. For Miley Cyrus: Put your tongue back in your mouth. It's safer in there, both for your tongue and for the outside world.
  6. For NBC: Ax Law and Order.
    Taylor Swift
    Taylor Swift
    Throw insane amounts of money at Christopher Nolan for him to develop a TV series. Hey, Scorsese, Cuarón and the Coens have all done it.
  7. For Taylor Swift: Please don't learn the words to every single popular song that will be performed at awards shows this year. We like watching you sing -- just not you singing along to "B**** Don't Kill My Vibe" as if you're not actually doing exactly what that song is advising against.
  8. For Michael Bay: Enough of the Transformers movies. Make another R-rated spectacle like Pain and Gain. One of these days, critics will like you.
  9. For Kanye West: Clear your samples. How long have you been doing this?
  10. For Tom Cruise: Run in an actual race. I want to see how fast you are in real life.
  11. For Drake: Find a woman who's a little more complicated than the ones in your fictional binary "good girl"/"bad girl" world.
  12. For Matthew McConaughey: Eh, you're good.
  13. For Paul W.S. Anderson, director of the Resident Evil movies and the upcoming Pompeii starring the guy who plays Jon Snow on Game of Thrones: Stop it.
  14. For Beyoncé: Top your 2013. It'll be a tall order. But you'll probably find some way to do it. I'd start by crossing the Tewksbury/Lowell border this time.

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